Ennui

–noun

a feeling of utter weariness and discontent resulting from satiety or lack of interest; boredom

Still sick. Still at home… like I have been for the past 5 DAYS. I am so bored, I’m even sick of the television. I didn’t think it was possible. Gasp. Shock. Sigh. I’m not going to lie and say that I dread this time off. I don’t. I’m just sick of having to be cooped up 24/7. Well, not 24/7. I did see a movie with my mom yesterday (even THAT wore me out)…

An Education was brilliant, stylish, thought-provoking. I’m still constantly thinking about it. I want her dresses. I feel like I’ve lived her life (minus the Britishness, overbearing love of anything and everything French, and the 30-something-year-old man). I want to see it again!

I’m off to bed. Going to sleep another 12 hours just to wake up exhausted and achey.

Love via Louise Ebel

Her and her friends run around graveyards and take really cool pictures. This isn’t her, but I suggest you read her blog in all of its French greatness.

http://www.misspandora.fr/

HAHA

OH MY GOD MY LIFE.

I have mono.

I Can Do This

I’ve had my doubts; I’ve had my weak points. But here we are: I am standing by myself. I have successfully fluctuated from having more than my fair share of people to hold onto to having myself. I am empowered.

Go ahead and scoff at me and tell me how I complain too much or how I’m naive. I have been through things that haven’t even come close to touching your perfect little bubble.

I’m sorry if I can’t wear my fake veneer every day and I walk around school loooking unhappy. I’m not happy. But don’t judge me without knowing me. Don’t call me a bitch or make assumptions about me. You don’t know me.

I may not be the brightest ray of sunshine, but I am comfortable with myself and where I am. If you don’t like me, fine. If you do, that’s fantastic. The only thing that matters is that I am fine with where I stand.

 

The truth?

At this point in my young life, I have yet to pinpoint all the things that make me, me. Thus it is quite impossible to write an essay on exactly that: everything I don’t know about myself. My thoughts, emotions, experiences are all jumbled in my head and I don’t know how to portray them correctly or effectively. So the truth is: I’m not writing my college essays because I’m scared and confused, not because I don’t want to.

Better Week

I can’t seem to shake this emptiness that pollutes my frame of mind. I want to be able to look someone in the eye and tell them that they mean everything to me. But i know that’s not happening anytime soon due to reasons including my recent loss of trust in people. I should be glad that nothing terribly tragic is happening to me, but when everything is constantly average and mediocre, any small disturbance counts for a lot. Recently, I’ve been looking forward to days when I get to sleep more, but when I can sleep I don’t. Basically, I’m lost. Without a map. In the middle of nowhere. Let’s see how long I hold up this time.

I’m Crossing my Fingers

…for the end of a bad week.

Fall down, pick yourself up, keep going. It’s all I can do.

What are you? I’m dead.

READY TO SCARE LITTLE KIDS!

Halloween, here I come.